How to Talk to Your Teen About Drugs and Alcohol, and Keep Them Talking to You

The most effective way to talk to your teen about drugs and alcohol is in lots of short, calm conversations rather than one big talk, with a clear message running through all of them: you don't want them using, you care about what happens to them, and they can always come to you, including when something has already gone wrong. Teens tune out lectures quickly, while a two-minute exchange in the car about something they saw online can stay with them for years.

Many parents put this conversation off because they're worried about saying the wrong thing, or about being asked what they did at that age. Those worries are normal, and an imperfect conversation still does far more good than silence, which is a theme across our guide to teen substance use.

When should you start talking to your teen about drugs and alcohol?

Parents should start talking to their teen about drugs and alcohol before their teen is exposed to them, and if that moment has already passed, starting now still helps. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) advises starting before children encounter alcohol and other drugs, and continuing throughout adolescence as the pressure to try alcohol increases in junior high and high school (SAMHSA, 2024).

The numbers show why the conversation has to keep going. In the 2025 Monitoring the Future survey, reported by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), past-year alcohol use rose from 11% of 8th graders to 41% of 12th graders, and past-year nicotine vaping rose from 9% to 20% across the same grades (NIDA, 2025). What you say to a 13-year-old and what you say to a 17-year-old will be different, and SAMHSA recommends matching the information to your child's age and adding more as they get older.

What should the conversation actually cover?

The conversation should cover five things that SAMHSA's Talk. They Hear You. campaign calls its conversation goals (SAMHSA, 2024):

1. Show you disapprove of underage drinking and other drug misuse. SAMHSA notes that over 80 percent of young people ages 10 to 18 say their parents are the leading influence on their decision whether to drink.
2. Show you care about your teen's health, wellness, and success. Teens listen better when they know you're on their side and that your rules come from wanting them safe and happy.
3. Show you're a good source of information. If you don't explain the risks, your teen will learn about drugs from friends and social media instead.
4. Show you're paying attention. Teens are more likely to use if they think no one will notice, so let them know you're aware of what's going on in their life, without prying.
5. Build your teen's skills for saying no. Talk through what they'd do if someone offered them something, and agree on a plan, like texting a code word to a family member or practicing how they'll say "no thanks."

Not every talk has to touch all five. A quick comment about a vape ad on a billboard covers the first goal, and asking who's driving to Saturday's party covers the fourth.

How do you start the conversation without it turning into a lecture?

The easiest way to start is to use everyday moments rather than scheduling a sit-down, since SAMHSA suggests that lots of little talks in the car, during dinner, or while watching TV take the pressure off both of you (SAMHSA, 2024).

A few openers that tend to work better than "We need to talk about drugs":

• "I saw a story about kids vaping at school. Is that a thing at yours?"
• "What do people at your school think about drinking at parties?"
• "If someone offered you something at a party, what do you think you'd say?"
• "Have you heard anything about fake pills going around?"

Then listen more than you talk. SAMHSA notes that the conversation goes both ways, and that children whose parents listen to their feelings and concerns are more likely to say no to alcohol. If your teen tells you something surprising, try to stay curious for a minute before you react, because the way you respond to the first small disclosure decides whether you hear about the second one. If your teen tends to shut down or get anxious when hard topics come up, our guide on how to talk to an anxious teen without making it worse has more ideas for keeping things calm.

The table below compares what tends to shut a teen down with what keeps them talking.

What should you say about vaping, marijuana, and pills?

Each substance deserves its own honest conversation, because teens often see vaping and marijuana as low risk and may not know that a pill can be something other than what it looks like.

Vaping. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that nicotine "can harm the parts of an adolescent's brain that control attention, learning, mood, and impulse control" (CDC, 2024). Some teens vape to take the edge off stress, so asking what vaping does for them can open up a more useful conversation than listing harms.

Marijuana. Teens may hear that marijuana is natural or legal for adults and assume it's harmless for them. It helps to say plainly that legal for adults isn't the same as safe for a developing brain, and that the rules in your house are about their health, not about the law.

Pills. This is the conversation that has changed most in recent years. A 2022 CDC report on overdose deaths among U.S. adolescents ages 10 to 19 found that illicitly manufactured fentanyl was involved in 83.9% of deaths and that counterfeit pill evidence was present in 24.5% of them, covering July 2019 through December 2021 (Tanz et al., CDC, 2022). The message for your teen is simple: any pill that didn't come from a pharmacy with their name on it could contain fentanyl, no matter how real it looks or who it came from. Our guide on fentanyl and counterfeit pills covers exactly what to tell them.

It also helps to tell your teen that most of their classmates aren't using. NIDA's 2025 data found that 82% of 10th graders reported no marijuana, alcohol, or nicotine use in the past 30 days (NIDA, 2025), and knowing that can make "no thanks" feel less lonely.

How should you respond if your teen admits to using?

If your teen admits to using, stay as calm as you can, thank them for telling you, and take a little time before deciding on consequences. A teen who gets punished harshly for being honest learns not to be honest next time, while a teen who sees you stay steady learns that you're someone they can come to when things get worse.

You can still hold a line. Tell them clearly that you don't want them using and why, ask what was going on around it, and agree on what happens next together where you can. If your teen's use seems regular, is tied to stress or low mood, or keeps happening after you've talked, it's time to bring in your pediatrician or a therapist. Our guide to the signs your teen may be using can help you sort out what you're seeing, and if you've found something in their room, start with what to do if you find drugs or vapes.

When does it make sense to get professional help?

Professional help makes sense when talking hasn't changed the pattern, when your teen's use is affecting school, sleep, or relationships, or when you suspect drugs or alcohol are helping them cope with anxiety, depression, or something they haven't told you. This guide can help you start better conversations, but only a licensed professional can evaluate your teen. Your teen's pediatrician is a good first call, since they can talk with your teen privately and refer you to a therapist or counselor who works with teens and substance use. If weekly sessions don't seem like enough, our guide on how to know what level of care your teen needs explains the options.

If your teen is ever hard to wake or not breathing normally after using, call 911 right away. If your teen talks about hurting themselves or not wanting to be alive, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or call 911 if your teen is in immediate danger. Our page on crisis options for parents covers what happens when you call.

This article shares practical guidance for parents and is not medical advice. We're not clinicians or doctors. If your teen is struggling, contact a licensed mental health professional or your teen's doctor, and if you have a serious concern about their safety, call 911 or call or text 988. Editorial standards