What to Do If You Find Out Your Teen Is Self-Harming

If you find out your teen is self-harming, the most helpful things you can do in the first hours are to stay as calm as you can, make sure your teen is physically safe, and let them know you're on their side. Most parents feel a rush of fear, guilt, and confusion in that moment, and all of it is normal, but your teen will take their cue from how you respond, so the goal for the first day is safety and connection, with answers and plans coming over the following days.

If you're worried about your teen's safety right now, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), or call 911 if your teen is in immediate danger or has an injury that looks serious. Our crisis page explains what happens when you call.

What should you do in the first few minutes?

The first thing to do when you find out your teen is self-harming is to slow yourself down before you say much of anything. Take a breath, lower your voice, and remember that your teen may feel ashamed, scared, or angry that you know. Self-harm is usually a way of coping with emotional pain, and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) notes that "most self-harm comes from a momentary need to escape, not a wish to die" (AAP, 2024).

In those first minutes, focus on three practical things:

1. Check whether your teen is physically okay and whether an injury needs medical attention.
2. Tell them, in a few words, that you love them and that you're not going anywhere.
3. Hold off on questions about why, how long, and how often until everyone has had a chance to settle.

Your teen doesn't need a speech right now, and a sentence like "I'm glad I know, and we're going to figure this out together" does more in that moment than any explanation. Our guide on why some teens self-harm can help once the first shock has passed.

Does your teen need medical care right now?

Your teen needs medical care if an injury looks like it needs attention, and you should call 911 if an injury looks serious or your teen is in immediate danger. The AAP's guidance for parents is simple: "When in doubt, get help," whether that means your teen's pediatrician, their therapist, or the nearest emergency room (AAP, 2024).

An urgent care visit or a same-day appointment with the pediatrician is often the right fit when your teen is safe but an injury should be looked at. The emergency room is the right place when an injury looks serious, or when they say anything that makes you worried about their safety. Our guide to the emergency room and crisis options explains what to expect if you go.

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are different, but they can overlap. If your teen says they want to die, or you're worried about their safety for any reason, get help right away by calling or texting 988 or calling 911, rather than waiting for a scheduled appointment.

How should you respond when you talk about it?

The most helpful response is calm, caring, and curious, with far more listening than talking. The AAP advises parents to "take a non-judgmental position, listening more than you speak," and to "be prepared for strong reactions," since many teens deny self-harm at first or get upset when a parent brings it up (AAP, 2024).

The table below compares responses that tend to help in the first days with ones that often backfire, even when they come from love.

You don't have to get every word right, and our guide on how to talk with your teen about self-harm goes further into what to say and what to avoid.

Who should you call in the first week?

Your teen's pediatrician or a therapist who works with teens is the right call in the first week, even if your teen seems better after the first day or two. A pediatrician can check on any physical concerns, ask your teen questions in a private setting, and refer you to a mental health professional. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) notes that an "evaluation by a mental health professional may assist in identifying and treating the underlying causes of self-injury" (AACAP, 2019).

The AAP suggests telling your teen directly that you're worried and that you plan to talk with their doctor about it, and it recommends that clinicians treat any underlying mental health condition along with the self-harm itself (AAP, 2024). That often means a therapist working with your teen and, ideally, with you as well. If your teen already has a therapist, call them first and let them know what you found out.

A few things make that first appointment go better. Give your teen a heads-up rather than surprising them, let them choose small details where you can (like whether you sit in for part of the visit), and bring short notes on what you've noticed in their mood, sleep, and friendships over the past few months. Self-harm often shows up alongside other struggles, and our guide to the signs of depression in teens can help you describe what you've seen.

How can you make home safer without turning it into a lockdown?

You can make home safer by working with your teen's doctor or therapist on a simple plan, rather than searching every room on your own. The AAP recommends keeping all medications locked away and firearms secured or out of the home, especially if a teen is having suicidal thoughts, and it suggests creating a safety plan with a clinician that covers practical changes at home and how to get emergency care in a crisis (AAP, 2024).

Searching your teen's room or phone on the first night usually adds shame without adding much safety, and it can make your teen less likely to come to you next time. A clinician can help you decide what level of checking in makes sense, and how to talk about it openly so your teen knows what to expect.

How do you take care of yourself through this?

Taking care of yourself through this means letting yourself feel what you feel, and getting support of your own rather than carrying it alone. Many parents feel guilty, wondering what they missed or what they did wrong, and the AAP is direct that parents "should not be shamed or blamed" for a child's struggles (AAP, 2024). Our guide on guilt, blame, and what parents need to hear speaks to that directly.

You'll be steadier for your teen if you have somewhere to put your own fear, whether that's a partner, a trusted friend, or a professional. Our article on when to get your own therapist can help you decide whether that support makes sense for you now.

When should you get help, and how fast?

You should get help for self-harm every time, and how fast depends on what's in front of you. This guide can help you through the first hours and days, but only a licensed professional can evaluate your teen and recommend the right care.

• Call 911 now if your teen is in immediate danger, or has an injury that looks serious.
• Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) right away if your teen says they want to die or you're worried about their safety. The 988 Lifeline is free, confidential, and available 24/7, and it helps people who are worried about a loved one as well as people in crisis themselves (988 Lifeline, 2026). You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach Crisis Text Line, which is free and available 24/7 in the U.S. (Crisis Text Line, 2026). Our crisis page explains what happens when you reach out.
• Get medical care today if an injury needs attention but your teen is otherwise safe, through urgent care, a same-day pediatrician visit, or the emergency room.
• Call your teen's pediatrician or a therapist this week in every other case, even if the self-harm seems to have stopped. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) notes that self-harm "tends to begin in teen or early adult years," and earlier support gives your teen more ways to cope (NIMH, 2024).

Most teens start with outpatient therapy, and our guide to levels of care explains the options if a therapist recommends more support. You can find more guides like this one in our self-harm guide for parents.

This article shares practical guidance for parents and is not medical advice. We're not clinicians or doctors. If your teen is struggling, contact a licensed mental health professional or your teen's doctor, and if you have a serious concern about their safety, call 911 or call or text 988. Editorial standards